18 Sexts You’d Actually Hate To Send
(Breakdown of 18 Sexts You’d Actually Love To Get by Buzzfeed)
We’ve talked about how you can get started texting a girl you like.
Now here are some texts you should never send, and why you shouldn’t send them.
1. “About to go through your Facebook and like all your profile pictures”
We haven’t really done a whole lot covering the Alpha male and the Beta male yet, because we don’t really prescribe to that ideology. There are only confident males and less confident males. But some of the qualities of a confident male (to us) include being busy, getting things done, and bringing value to those around you.
None of those traits are portrayed by you spending precious time going through a girl’s Facebook and liking all her pictures. Even worse if you tell her beforehand. Don’t get me wrong, most males do (and should) do a little snooping to at “make sure everything checks out”, but if you are going to do this keep it to yourself.
You don’t want to be the guy liking her high school summer beach pics and you’re both about to graduate college.
2. “I don’t ever want you to be afraid to poop at my house”.
That’s pretty bold. And portrays a high level of comfort, almost too high. You want her to be a little bit embarrassed about the idea of pooping at your house if your relationship is still in earlier stages. The worst case you can have is being in a relationship or a friends-with-benefits situation with a girl who does not care what you think of her. Because that relationship is going nowhere fast.
3. I promise to love you always. Even after the key changes in “Love on Top” get too high and you stop singing and just start screaming.
Same idea. You’re basically telling her that she can do no wrong, and shouldn’t care what you think of her. But to have a strong relationship with her, she should definitely care about your opinion at certain times. Singing specifically, no so much. But there’s no reason to cross that off her list of potential worries by explicitly stating it. Saying too much is a quick way to ruin a relationship.
4. There’s a really cute dog at the park right now. Do u want me to send u a pic
Once again, this goes back to the whole “being busy taking over the world” uber-confident alpha male persona you want to strive towards to be a better person overall. Seeing cute dogs is fine, but there’s absolutely no reason to start blowing up her phone with pictures of them. And even less reason to ask before you do so. If you’re going to go friend zone, go balls out and take action. Drive head first into that zone.
5. “I want to take a road trip with you. You can drive and pick most of the music. I like when u sing & rap along with the music. U make the songs better. I will harmonize w u. I will also buy and bring all the snacks”
I’ll break this one down line by line.
“I want to take a road trip with you” – Not bad. Would be better said from a more confident position “Let’s take a road trip”. Would also be infinitely better said in person, spontaneously.
“You can drive and pick most of the music.” – The drive part depends on the individual, some people would say you should take the charge and do the driving. I say it’s OK to do either. But you never give up most of the music rights. Especially not off the bat. For one, that’s negotiation power you’re just giving up. Secondly, you don’t know how many girly songs are on your girls’ phone. I guarantee you, you don’t. Even if you just took it and listened every song yesterday.
You have no idea.
“I like when u sing & rap along with the music” – This isn’t a bad fact to admit randomly, but it falls into that “unnecessarily explicit” category that you generally want to avoid over text. No reason to really say it.
“U make the songs better” – Now this is just lying, and you should have an open policy of honesty with your crush. She makes Rihanna and Shakira sound better? Get real. Unless her ipod is full of Iggy Azalea songs I don’t see how this is even remotely possible.
“I will harmonize w u.” – Unless you’re a professional singer this is the sort of emasculating behavior you want to reserve for special occasions if at all. Once again, he’s giving away valuable bargaining power for no reason.
” I will also buy and bring all the snacks” – He might as well have signed over his rights and agreed to be her slave at this point. This guy has no idea of his own value, and is just offering himself up for her amusement.
In fact, that entire text is composed of them doing a fun activity that they would both enjoy, where he opens by agreeing to sacrifice a lot of himself so that they can both have fun. That’s literally insane. It would have been just as fun for the both of them if he had just said “Let’s go on a road trip”. He made it harder for himself.
Keep it simple stupids.
6. “On my way home from work. Let’s light some candles and have sex to your favorite podcast”
This one is pretty good. Should have kept it at “Light some candles” or “Light some candles omw home from work” for it to be even better though. Getting explicit about sex outside of sexting or phone sex is pretty weak in my opinion, and detracts from immersion and spontaneity. This guy has more idea about bargaining power than the sucker in #5 does though. He leverages her favorite podcast with sex. The only problem is again, he’s bargaining to engage in an activity that they will BOTH enjoy.
7.*approaches you very slowly* *pushes your hair behind your ears* *rests my hand on your thigh* *asks if you want to get donuts*”
This one depends entirely on the guy sending it and the relationship the two are in. If they normally have sex all the time and he’s spontaneous, this is pretty funny because of the twist. If they have sex a below-average or average amount of times, it’s pretty weak. He started off potentially sexually and then backs down, valuing humor over turning his girl on. So again, depends on the balance of the relationship. In general, you want to avoid these sort of texts that literally turn your actions into words with the *. All I can think of when I see texts like this:
8. Thanks for the selfie. You look great in this picture. Your low ponytail doesn’t make you look like Gaston from Beauty And The Beast at all”
Another situational one. If she didn’t mention Gaston at all in this conversation, this is hilarious. In that context it’d be him sarcastically comparing her to Gaston just to mess with her. Might get him a “Oh you asshole!” but she’ll say it with a smile on her face. If she literally sent him a picture and asked if she looked like Gaston, he would have been better off responding with some famous line from Beauty and the Beast to joke around with her and hint that the answer is yes, even though it obviously isn’t. AKA Teasing, an art you should all learn.
9. Breakfast for dinner?
Another one that has a maximum potential, regardless of context, to be “OK” to send. Would be slightly better off without the question mark. Also since he didn’t specify what breakfast is, I doubt it’s that prudent. AKA didn’t need to be said over text.
10. I’m at work right now thinking about you Thinking about how hot it would be if I could watch you eat an entire ice cream cake
Another liar. There are a few men in the world who would genuinely enjoy seeing their girl gorge herself on food, but I highly doubt he’s one of them. But really, this text is again not that bad if it’s coming from a guy who is normally only about the physical/sexual aspect of a relationship and can pull this off without looking like he doesn’t have the balls to take something full sexual instead of going sexual at the start and then changing it up midway.
11. “Let me take you out to dinner tonight You Deserve it If there’s a cute baby at the restaurant, we don’t even have to talk You can make faces at the baby the entire time”
Let’s break it down again.
“Let me take you out to dinner tonight” – Fine. Better said a bit more assertively since you’re doing her a favor after all. “I’m taking you out to dinner” is an improvement. The way he says it is basically asking her permission for him to pay for her food.
“You deserve it” – Unnecessary. I don’t think she needs to hear your reasoning behind giving her a free meal. And if she actually does deserve it, you can be doubly sure that she already knows.
“If there’s a cute baby at the restaurant, we don’t even have to talk. You can make baby faces the entire time” – Extremely unnecessary. Cute in idea, but random and also a bit emasculating. Can you imagine Superman saying this to Lois Lane? Harvey from Suits saying this to Donna? Batman saying this to Lois Lane (see what I did there)? Think of any true male role model that you can follow. Before you send a text, imagine if they would send it to a girl they fancied.
12. Gender is a social construct
Ok. What the **** are you trying to accomplish with this text, and why was it important for you to send it to your girl at that point? Always have a point gentlemen.
13. “Did you like what I was doing for you last night? How I was laughing extra loud at all of the jokes you told in front of your boss? You’re so funny I’m gonna go fav all ur tweets”
This one is funny. Works fine.
But WHY does it work?
– Starts off sexual, then goes comedic. A few of the other texts do this, but fail because they don’t follow it up with:
– Potentially (mystery factor because she’s not sure) sarcastic compliment (“You’re so funny” in that context is perfect)
– Over dramatization/ Blowing things out of proportion (“Favoriting ALL her tweets to keep up the charade for her boss).
Sarcasm and over dramatization for humor work wonders.
14. “I want us to fall asleep together while we’re watching all the rocket launch videos you have saved under your favorites on YouTube”
Here’s another borderline good text depending on context of their relationship. If fairly sexual (as in there’s no chance that “fall asleep together” means “fall asleep together without having sex”) then this is OK, and even better if she had no idea he was aware of her rocket launch videos before he sent this text. Then its a humorous reveal, although hopefully not because he was snooping through her YouTube account.
15. “Finding Nemo is Pixar’s masterpiece”
Another text that has no reason to be sent. Keep It Simple Stupid.
16. I get so turned on when I think about all the times you’ve had gas after eating too much food around me”
I almost wanted to cauterize this text. But then I realized that once again, it has potential depending on the guy who sent it. If he’s pretty funny/sarcastic, and this message will most likely be interpreted as sarcasm, then it’s OK. Otherwise, it’s not OK and a lie. Unless he happens to have a fetish for gas. Then it’s OK as a way to start Sexting…and wrong on other levels.
Overall, better delivered in person so she can clearly interpret you being sarcastic (hopefully).
17. If there was ever a spider in our house I would take off my shirt and kill it in front of you.
This one is OK if it was brought up mid-spider conversation, and said sarcastically. If said out of the blue, it’s…OK. Another unnecessary text but it has a bit of humor so it’s…OK…I guess…
Only works if being sent as a bit of a taunt.
All these texts are from a buzzfeed article: http://www.buzzfeed.com/gracespelman/18-sexts-id-actually-love-to-get
Overall, most of the men made the mistake of saying too much or undervaluing themselves in their texts, which made most of their messages completely weak.