Screw The Friend Zone
The Friend Zone is a dreaded area for an individual to be in. It’s when you have feelings for someone, and for whatever reason they like you enough to be really close to you. Enough to share personal stories and advice with you, to spend copious amounts of time with you, and to build a deep emotional connection with you. But for whatever reason, they refuse to pull the trigger on forming a relationship with you. In some cases, you even have to deal with them dating other people, then kindly informing you about it. The effect this can have on your confidence is massive.
You begin to wonder why you’re not good enough.
You might compare yourself to their preferred object of desire.
It can lead to resentment- of yourself or of them.
So this is our definitive guide to the friend zone: The definition of friend zone, a quiz/test you can take to answer the question “am I in the friend zone”, and a how-to guide on how to escape it.
Friend Zone Quiz: Are you in it?
1. Do you have feelings for your friend?
2. Does he or she know about it?
3. If yes, did you get a “let’s just be friends”, or did they not even directly acknowledge the admission?
3. If no, are you for some reason afraid to share your feelings with them despite your apparent closeness?
4. Does the person have a significant other? Or a crush on somebody else (if you’re not sure, assume a person that they talk about a suspicious amount is their object of desire).
If you said yes to at least two of these, you are definitely in the friend zone. But don’t worry, the first step is realizing it.
How to Avoid the Friend Zone
Before we explain exactly how one can break out of the friend zone, it’s important that you learn how you got into this situation in the first place. If we tell you how to escape and you learn nothing from it, you might just end up right back where you started a few months down the road with another person. This will help you learn from your mistakes:
How Guys Avoid The Friend Zone:
Be Direct. The person you’re interested in should be aware that you are not asexual from the get-go, or as soon as possible. Note, this does not mean hitting her with bad pick up lines and awkward flirting. This means just make it known, as subtly as possible, that you have a sex drive and are not afraid to use it. This can be accomplished by the occasional compliment to her or to passerby’s “hey, that girl was kind of cute”. Don’t refrain from making moves on her and only making moves on other girls. Flirt with both.
Be Desired. This one is harder to make real, but easy to fake. Nobody wants a person that has no other options. If someone starts flirting with you in front of your crush, entertain it for a bit. Don’t overshoot and flat out try to make your crush jealous, just flirt back with the person and play along with them. Banter with them a bit. Banter is sexy, and there’s no point in letting your social skills go to waste by putting your eggs all in one basket.
Be Skilled. I’m not just talking about in the bedroom, I also mean at doing something. Have a passion outside of seducing your object of desire. Do good in school, be a good skateboarder, follow your hobby of photography, almost anything works (not video games unless she’s a gamer girl).
Be Healthy. There’s no reason to not work out in this day and age, diabetes and heart disease and running rampant, everyone on Instagram is stressing about missing leg days, and you’re avoiding the gym because…what? Girls like guys who are fit, guys like guys who are fit, get fit. It will help with your physical attractiveness, and even once again help improve your bedroom skills (after all, this is where you’re trying to end up with your crush. Worst thing you can do is have a disappointing case of ED because you’re blood flow is impeded by McDonald’s).
Be Scarce. Don’t allow your object to spend time talking to you about the other people that they are attracted to in their life. If they bring that sort of stuff up, give it a fleeting comment and then change subject. Indulging in it any longer puts you at risk of sliding down the slippery slope of becoming an emotional pillow, AKA being friend zoned.
Be Stylish. Wear clothes that fit, and get them tailored if you can afford them. Have at least one suit that you can wear when occasion permits (chick dig suits). If you have muscles, don’t be afraid to wear clothing that slightly shows them off every now and then. Not all the time though.
How Girls Avoid The Friend Zone:
Be Stylish. Yup, it makes both lists. I don’t mean stay caught up on the latest designs the Kardashians are rocking. I mean wear clothing that fits you and is flattering to the body you were blessed with.
Be Healthy. Everyone has their own personal opinion on what a healthy weight is, and frankly there’s more than enough proof that there’s a guy for every body type. But whatever shape you’re in now, if you have room to improve and know exactly what steps you can take to do it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking the steps. There are guys for every body type, but aim for the body type that the guys YOU like are going for.
Be Confident. Most people aren’t outwardly admitting attraction for girls who are overconfident, but they get more love than girls who are entirely too timid and quiet. It’s easy to end up in the friend zone as a girl if a guy perceives that you are too timid to even enjoy sex, or that you don’t like him at all because you’re too shy with him. Find a good balance of confidence, just enough to enjoy being who you are naturally, and then get some confidence in your bedroom performance.
Be Intelligent. Men are stupid. There’s a chance you might think you’re in the friend zone with a guy because he’s not making moves, and he’s thinking the exact same and too afraid to. Try and set up an isolated situation where it is just the two of you alone. This should give him a chance to make a move. If he doesn’t go for the subtle signs, chances are he’s not worth your time anyway.
Escaping The Friend Zone
Now you know how to not be friend zoned ever again. Time to see if you can escape the friend zone with your current crush, or if it’s time to cut your losses.
Warning: Some of your relationships may not survive this escape attempt. But you will be infinitely better off.
This will work for guys and girls.
Step 1. Verify you are in the friend zone.
This is accomplished by asking out your object of desire. Shoot for a specifically one-on-one type date, preferably one you haven’t already been on and experienced in a platonic fashion, and also preferably one that has sexual connotations. Netflix at your house, for example. If they agree, you might be on your way to a good end, unless they flake or are oblivious to your intentions. If they decline but give a good reason or reschedule, set up another date a week later. If they decline and give no good reason, you are in the friend zone for sure. Skip down to step 4.
Step 2. Prepare For The Date
Once the date is set up, make sure you are looking at your best. You’re trying to lock down your crush here. Don’t show up to a Netflix date at her dorm wearing a suit obviously, just be do little things like having your clothes ironed and being well-groomed. And I mean well-groomed ALL OVER if you catch my drift. Pubes.
Step 3. The Date
On the date, make your move. Nothing cheesy, no yawn accompanied by putting your arm around them. Girls, you can take this time muster up the confidence, then try and tell your crush how you’ve felt about them for a while, then follow it up with a kiss and gauge their reaction. Guys, at this point you’ve likely been leaning towards inaction too much for words to be effective, it’s best to go in for the kiss after you test for her reaction to kino, flirting, and escalation.
Step 4. Resolution
Congratulations. It’s over. At this point, either you’ve developed something more with your crush and have successfully broken out of the friend zone, or you haven’t, but now have the closure of knowing with 100% certainty that your crush does not like you like you like them. No one can control their own friends. The best thing you can do now is go No Contact.
Step 5. No Contact
The harsh truth is that for whatever reason, your crush doesn’t think you’re good enough for them to date you. Regardless of how good of a person they are, this is about as personal as personal gets. So, you take the time to stop talking to them (and I mean straight stop talking to them, don’t announce to them exactly why, just sort of go off radar) and focus on improving yourself. Those steps I listed to avoid the friend zone above? Take time to develop yourself until that list is what you are doing/who you are naturally. After a few weeks, your crush is likely going to try and rekindle the friendship. If you can personally assess yourself and think you’re ready, accept their offer for a meetup, and go in with a new mentality.
This time, it’s going to be now or never. You or nothing. You’ll take nothing less than the relationship you know you deserve with them, and if they are not willing to give you that you will be willing to move on and find someone who will.
Getting over someone won’t be easy, but you’ll need to have a mindset that you’re resigned to taking the steps necessary if you have to. It’ll enable you to go full on in your final effort to form a relationship with your crush.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how you break out of the friend zone.